The Power of Unhiding: Redefining Our Narratives
In this edition of our blog, we delve into the narratives we construct about ourselves and the profound impact they can have on our lives. Join me in exploring inspiring stories about people who have made the brave choice to unhide and share my own experiences as someone who hid my own visible disability.
It’s ugly!
It’s awful!
It’s disgusting!
These are just some of the harsh messages I told myself about my limb difference – my little hand – for the majority of my life. I kept it hidden, tucked away in my pocket, convinced others would find it as repulsive as I did.
But you know what?
When I would reality-check my beliefs with people, whether it was sharing it with a friend or someone I considered dating, they would say things like:
That’s ridiculous.
It’s nothing; you are ‘crazy.’
You are way overthinking it.
(While their intentions were kind, these responses inadvertently made me feel like my feelings weren’t valid. In retrospect, I realize I hadn’t done the necessary introspective work to understand both points of view and wrestle with the truth.)
The Reality: Our Self-Perceptions Are Often Harsher Than Reality
This theme isn’t unique to me. A woman shared with me her struggle to conceal what she considered a significant scar on her face. While I had never noticed it, her self-narrative had convinced her it was a big deal, leading to hours spent covering it up.
Our self-lenses can be foggy, preventing us from entertaining alternative perspectives. Once we construct stories, we intensify them to the point nothing can persuade us otherwise.
Why Do We Construct False Narratives?
There are a couple of reasons:
- The pressure to be perfect. We want to show people that everything is awesome. Societal expectations, amplified by social media, drive us to showcase an idealized version of ourselves, prompting us to hide anything that doesn’t fit the narrative.
- Self-protection. We create stories to shield ourselves, building walls to block out contradictory information, making it challenging to change our minds.
- Making others comfortable. Anticipating discomfort in others, we hide aspects of ourselves, assuming we’re sparing them from confronting something they may find uncomfortable.
The Solution: Unhiding
Dismantling the stories we’ve told ourselves is not an overnight process; it’s a four-step journey that starts with acknowledging what we are hiding.
First Step: Curiously Acknowledge Your Uniqueness
Take a moment to reflect on your journey and ask yourself the tough questions:
- When have you hidden part of yourself for fear of not being accepted?Uncover the instances where you’ve concealed aspects of your true self, driven by the fear of judgment or rejection.
- What stories are you telling yourself that are holding you back from thriving?Dive deep into the narratives you’ve constructed. Identify the limiting beliefs that have hindered your personal and professional growth.
- How is this hiding preventing you from connecting with yourself and others?Understand the profound impact of hiding on your ability to forge authentic connections. Explore the loneliness and barriers that result from keeping parts of yourself in the shadows.
- Do others in your life offer a different perspective on your difference?Often, others may see your uniqueness in a positive light, offering fresh perspectives that challenge your self-imposed limitations.
- How do you explain the different explanations?Examine the varied narratives surrounding your uniqueness. Explore the diversity of interpretations and understandings that exist, both within yourself and among those you engage with.
(In upcoming newsletters, we will uncover the following three steps of unhiding: Invite in your person, Build your community, and Share your story.)
Unhide to Yourself: Embrace ‘Self-Centered’ Reflection
This is a reflection for everyone. Whether you’re a leader, part of a team, engaged in a community, or embarking on your New Year’s resolutions, choose a medium that resonates with you—be it journaling, therapy, meditation, etc. Delve into the introspective questions above, embracing a ‘self-centered’ approach to self-discovery.
This process is an act of courage and self-love, a pivotal step towards breaking free from limiting beliefs. As you explore the depths of your authenticity, remember that acknowledging your uniqueness is the first powerful stride towards unearthing the freedom to thrive and connect with yourself and others on a profound level.
Unhiding starts with acknowledging—acknowledging your difference, embracing it, and allowing it to be an integral part of your beautiful narrative.
Take this step with curiosity, kindness, and grace.
Please click here, if you’d like to share your unhiding journey with me.
Thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and connection.
