This month, we celebrated my father’s 85th birthday. (Happy birthday, Dad!) At dinner, he and my stepmother said something that made me pause:
“We have no secrets from each other.”
And I thought—really? None?
It got me thinking about how we all manage what we choose to reveal (and what we hold back). Not just at home. At work, too.
What This Means for Leadership
This tension—what to share, what to keep private—isn’t just personal. It shows up in leadership all the time.
We say we’re being “professional” when we stay guarded. But let’s be honest: Sometimes that’s not professionalism. It’s hiding in disguise.
And when leaders keep people at arm’s length, sure—teams may respect them. But they can find it harder to connect with them. And that disconnection? It chips away at trust. It lowers engagement. It hurts culture. It leads to burnout.
On the flip side, oversharing can make things awkward, confusing, or just… too much.
So where’s the line?
The Case for Strategic Hiding
In Unhide & Seek, I write about strategic hiding—the idea that hiding, when intentional, can be a good thing.
It protects our boundaries. It saves our energy. It gives us time to process.
But when hiding becomes automatic—or driven by fear—it starts creating distance, not safety.
The key is knowing the difference—and choosing on purpose.
The Sharing Spectrum
I often share the above visual from my book—a simple scale that shows what happens when we share too much, too little, or just enough:
🔹 Undersharing: You seem distant, hinder connection, foster misunderstandings, and feel isolated.
🔹 Oversharing: You feel vulnerable, risk judgment, overwhelm others, and lose privacy.
🔹 Healthy sharing: You build trust, foster intimacy, maintain privacy, and feel secure.
We all move along this spectrum. The trick is knowing: Am I setting a boundary? Or am I just quietly backing away?
Strategic Sharing Is a Leadership Skill
That’s why I talk about strategic sharing—the intentional practice of revealing to create connection while still keeping your boundaries intact.
It’s not about oversharing. It’s about showing up—so others feel safe to do the same.
This is one of the most underrated leadership skills we don’t talk about enough.
A Quick Test Before You Share
Not sure what to say—or whether to say it? Here’s a quick filter I always come back to: The acronym THINK Is what I’m sharing: True? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind? If it checks a few of those boxes, you’re probably on solid ground.
One Small Step
Here’s something to carry into your week: What’s one small thing you could share—with your team, a colleague, or even yourself—that builds connection without giving too much away?
Because leadership isn’t about oversharing or hiding. It’s about showing up and unhiding—with intention.
When leaders go first, others feel safe to follow.
Warmest, Ruth
P.S. What are you learning about sharing in leadership—or in life? I’d love to hear. DM me. P.P.S. Curious how strategic unhiding can shift your culture? Let’s talk.
Thank you for being part of the UNHIDING community.
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